(Fall 1996: Paean to Goddess Ann Abel)

of a lot of things in my life, enough so that on occasion I’ve begun to wonder if I’m not a distant relative of Adolph Hitler, Attila the Hun or someone truly despotic like, say, Kathie Lee Gifford. But to be charged with the felonious intent to "cyberbabble" -- man, that’s a new one altogether.

Three questions immediately popped into my mind after Ann Abel of Time Out magazine bestowed me with this beautiful little appellation: (1) How could she say such a thing after we’ve had such great sex together for the past six months? (2) Is there another cyberbabblist in her life or has she just grown tired of poor old Otto Luck? (3) What should I do with all her personal effects now that it’s all over?

But Seriously Folks ...

After throwing all Ann’s clothing out of my window and emptying my bathroom cabinets of all her personal condiments, I decided it was time to stop brooding and get back to work at .

The first thing I’d like to do is make some amends. I’ve been inserting pictures of the staff into this welcome page since our inception in August 1996 and I’ll fess up now: it was all a sick ruse. No, our staff members are not seven-foot, blonde female mud wrestlers and, no, Andy Warhol has not risen from the dead to join our organization.

Well, there’s no time like the present to come clean, so I’ve decided to seize the moment and insert an actual picture of the staff which you will find directly to the right. Unfortunately, Didi Delicious could not attend the photo shoot, but being such a handsome group in general, we’ve found her presence to be wholly unnecessary.

Do Your Homework, Johnny

At this point I somehow feel obligated to give you a little rundown of our website. Unfortunately, I haven’t been much in the mood to do anything constructive since Ann Abel left me for the entire front line of the Denver Broncos. I will therefore officially cop out and say, why don’t you just poke around and find out for yourself.

Oh, one last thing. I don’t want to throw away any of your prescription medicine, Ann, so please tell me what I should do with the tube that reads "anti-fungal topical ointment, apply to entire body twice a day." If you come back to pick it up in person, should I expect a good time or will it be one of the those dreaded impersonal post-affair moments that have plagued ex-lovers for centuries.

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