February 5, 2001 – President George Bush began a weeklong lobbying effort for his 10-year, $1.6 trillion tax-cut plan on Monday, by dragging four families in front of the cameras and showing them how much better their lives will be if everybody in the country knows how much money they make.

Bush's plan, as his advisors explained it to him, will lower the five percentage-based tax brackets, which are better understood by their common names – Brutal, Indefensible, Unconscionable, Call My Lawyers and They'll Never Take Me Alive – to four more manageable levels. It also will reduce the "marriage penalty" from 15 yards to just 5 and do away with the "death tax," which dead people have been up in arms about for eternity.

The president claims that the plan will save a typical family of four earning $40,000 per year about $1,600 in taxes. That is enough money, the president exclaimed, for that family "to purchase a DirecTV satellite, with all the premium packages, and still have enough left over to give both children their own telephone line."

While even the most partisan Democrat must admit that Bush's plan goes right to the core of strengthening our nation's basic rights, such as life, liberty and the pursuit of an NFL Sunday Ticket, the president can certainly expect some opposition in both houses of Congress over the manner in which this tax cut is implemented.

Just giving people money – even their own money – with the simple passage of a bill is no way to dole out riches in the year 2001. You have to let Americans humiliate themselves live on national television first.

The networks are elevating this process to an art form, starting with ABC's "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" Then there was Fox's "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" in which Darva Conger and Rick Rockwell gave new meaning to the term "marriage penalty." After completely plumbing the depths of emotional humiliation, CBS added physical embarrassment with "Survivor." Those shows were so successful that the networks followed up with an avalanche of humiliation-for-dollars programming, such as "Big Brother" and "Super Bowl XXXV."

So it only makes sense that our new administration should forego the traditional route of lowering our taxes, soiled as it is with partisan posturing, spin-doctoring and public appearances by Ted Kennedy, and give the money back to its rightful owners only if they can complete a humiliating task on live national television. For example, CNN could be live in Cupertino, Calif., as Mr. Charles Chavez, 42, attempts to win a tax break of almost $2,800 if he will stand on the median near a busy intersection during rush hour, take off his shirt and dance to Britney Spears songs for 30 minutes.

Let's go to CNN's Anne McDermott, who is live in Cupertino with Mr. Chavez. "Anne, can you give us an analysis of the situation as it stands currently?"

"Mr. Chavez appears to have a bit of a gut and not very much rhythm," McDermott responds. "This should be completely embarrassing to both him and his immediate family. He should earn the full tax break – except that, woops, it looks like Mr. Chavez has just been flattened by a tractor-trailer.

"Our next contestant is Rosemary Gumstein from Terre Haute, Indiana...."